The Tao of Goals -- Self Concordant Goals

"If you don't have a plan, plan to fail."

I have become convinced that goals and vision are the keys to success, but in contemporary America, in my opinion we don't see the whole picture when it comes to creating goals and creating a vision. There are missing pieces and in this aspect, I truly believe we can learn a lot from both Eastern culture, and from the wisdom of the ancients.

The fact is merely creating goals is not enough, one needs to strike balance between structure and insight, logic and intuition, mind and heart -- otherwise, goals are going to lack impact. What it means is the most important thing is creating mindful, self-concordant goals. Self-concordant goals are ones that emanate from within, also referred to as 'intrinsic.' The great writer Shakespeare said, "To thine own self be true. And it must follow as the day the night, thou canst not then be false to any other man." When it comes to creating a vision and setting good goals, nothing is truer. The more that our goals reflect our true self, our true inner desires then the more powerful, energizing, and motivating they become, and greater chance we have to realize them.

In Steven Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, one of his top rules is to "begin with the end in mind" and essentially what Covey is referring to is the need to create the goal. I like to think of it as vision. Vision is even greater than goals, because it infers a sense of greater meaning and purpose, something with emotional power that comes from the heart and soul. And, I see the goals and strategies as important steps and elements of the structure of that greater vision.

What it boils down to is that living a life without any destination is merely floating or drifting with no clear sense of purpose. There are times we have all wanted to float a bit; in fact, floating can be a great break from reality. I actually did this for quite some time (too long!) in my twenties, and it was something that I don't regret. However, I got tired of it after a while. I am sure that I learned and gained so much though by living that way. What I came back to was a realization of the need for balance in life. Ultimately it is balancing the inner vision with outer structure and step by step pathway to achievements. The Buddha said we must take the middle path and that is the ultimate path particularly when it comes to vision and goals.

Learn to Fail or Fail To Learn

"Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts" Nikki Giovanni

One of my favorite expressions is: Learn to fail or fail to learn...life is a process of endless learning. It's not the person who doesn't make mistakes who thrives but rather it's the person who is always learning from their mistakes who will really continue to grow and succeed. That is why I am always suggesting to people to start meditating because one of its purposes (among others) is quiet reflection. At the end of your day sit quietly and consider what happened -- your interactions with people, choices you made, circumstances you put yourself into. Could you have done anything differently? Made better choices? Optimized something? At the same time, also give yourself a pat on the back for something you did well. How could you bring more of that into your life?

Self Compassion and the Distracted Mind

In our way of life today in the information age, with its frenetic pace and correlated explosion of media and marketing, there are so many ways in which we are pressured to "keep up with the Joneses," at times it feels like it would be great if we could let it all go and simply not worry about any of it. In fact, there actually is something called F-It therapy -- simply saying F-it and letting go when stress gets overwhelming. I agree with F-It's basic premise, learning to say F-it can be quite liberating, though can be highly challenging at times and can take practice as well. Another thing we might do in order to make the ride and journey a little more joy-filled and less stressed is learn to be more compassionate and allowing toward ourselves and others; it really does start with kindness and compassion towards oneself.

In order to be effective we've got to be able to focus and think clearly about what we are doing, but if our minds are filled with chatter especially harsh, self-loathing thoughts, that task becomes very difficult. So, how do we shut off the endless chatter of our distractable, "monkey mind"? Renowned meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says we need to "quiet the mind in any way we can," and I have found what Kornfield says is true. Sometimes saying F-it may not be enough, so we try other ways. Meditation, yoga, breathing, are all great remedies and it is a great idea to develop a daily practice incorporating these types of things. Further, we are all unique, and there may be other activities that help quite the mind as well. They could be dancing, drawing or another form of art, writing, walking or other exercise -- really could be anything but try and focus on calming ones, or what Chinese healing refers to as "yin" activities. Any activity that offers you the opportunity to experience a sense of what Claremont Graduate University professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow" --which is being so engaged in an activity you are enjoying that you lose track of yourself, time, and your surroundings, and one also in in which your skill level is a good match for the difficulty -- will help you learn to better manage your mind, thoughts, and moods.

So, finding activities that give the opportunity to experience flow is important but calming the monkey mind can also take some concerted effort as well. One great technique offered by psychologist Elisha Goldstein is called S.T.O.P. a simple acronym which stands for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed. Pretty simple, but quite effective. When we notice our mind spinning out of control, away from the task at hand, use these steps to help bring you back to your center. Yet, the key is mindfulness, learning to notice when that is happening. Additionally, research shows that labeling what we are feeling and experiencing is beneficial to gaining more control of our emotions. I use the S.T.O.P. technique very frequently and it works great and can be used with a number of variations as well. One great variation is a to insert a positive affirmation immediately after taking a breath, e.g., a positive statement of self-talk such as, "I am calm and relaxed." Thank you for reading, and I will have more solutions for quieting the monkey mind in upcoming posts…..

Breaking Free From The Mundane

When it is presented to people, many “get” the idea of mindfulness and its practice, but others frequently resist the idea. Why is it?.... We are all seeking similar things in life – we want happiness in so many varied ways, by seeking fulfillment, joy, love, satisfaction, creativity, connection, spontaneity, stimulation, novelty, stability, consistency, etc. - overall I think in these things we are seeking some measure of sweetness in our lives, we want to be uplifted from the boring, drab, gross elements of life that drag us into the mental/physical muck or mundane. Those and other things are what we all constantly seek over and over and over and over and over again. If you notice your life, it is a constant game of seeking such things repetitively without cessation. Have you questioned the purpose of it?

But doesn’t it also occur that we cannot ONLY seek these things endlessly? There has got to be a break. There has got to be some refuge from the same old, same old, same old stuff that we do over and over and over. There has got to some mechanism, perhaps built into our lives by nature that allows us to break free from this repetitive treadmill of seeking. That is what mindfulness is. When one empties the mind and focuses on an internal event (e.g., the breath, or bodily sensations) or something external (e.g., a flickering candle, or our feet walking as they repetitively touch the ground) they are consciously taking a break from life, even if only for a few minutes. One is also taking a break from themselves, breaking free from the treadmill of desires that ensnare them. We do not do this because those desires are bad, evil, sinful, or shameful (well, maybe sometimes...)

No, practicing this is to help make those things more beautiful and enrapturing. When we take even a short break (or perhaps even a longer one) from the desiring or wanting mind or the "chasing" lifestyle, it is actually a way to enhance the pleasure and beauty and joyfulness that we return to when we are done. Without some vacation from the repetitive, it can be all too much to handle. Going to Bermuda or the Bahamas or Cancun are great, and that is recommended too, the problem is unless we are millionaires we can't do that everyday, and the other problem is that even in Cancun we won't be de-stressed if our mind is chattering and agitated. Try calming and centering in the here and now and you might find an amazing experience right within.

Expanding Happiness

One of the biggest mistakes I think people make in attempting to be happy is that they become what I (and others) call, MYOPIC. What the word means in this context is they lose sight of the big picture and get hyperfocused on the notion that one particular thing will bring them happiness. Don't mistake what I am saying - it's not that being focused on one thing is bad; no, because being focused on a pursuit or goal is a good idea and will pay dividends. But, ultimately one must STRIKE A BALANCE between expanded awareness and focusing on one specific goal.

These two sides of the balance pie - focus, and big picture vision - are both critically important. However, in my view, seeing and having a grasp for the larger perspective of one's life is critically important to being happy. A great example of this would be the commonly seen saga of rock stars or celebrities. They spend much of their lives hyperfocused on perfecting their skill and craft, attaining success, reaching their goals, and as has been well documented, often ultimately fail to find happiness but rather end up with drug, gambling, other forms of addiction, or depression. Their lives become uni-dimensional because they've lost sight of the forest for the trees. Real happiness comes not from one thing or another, and not from a quick high, but rather from a sense of meaning and fulfillment. It is difficult to find meaning unless we grasp an expanded view of how all the parts and dimensions (e.g., the recipe) of our life can fit together. These parts include spirituality, career, health and wellness, and relationships. Don’t miss the point, be mindful of the potential for beauty of the wholeness of life.

Positive Affirmations for Reducing Stress

It is our negative thinking/negative thought patterns that cause a huge amount of stress and drain one's vital life force (energy) -- Negative thoughts creative negative emotions and feelings. One of the best ways to get rid of such negative, draining thoughts and consequent feelings is by replacing them with positive ones. Here is a really good list of 20 positive thoughts (also called affirmations) to replace negative thought patterns. Quite often negative thought patterns are rooted in low feelings about oneself, negative self-worth, hopelessness, lack of focus or direction.

We may not even be aware of how much we are doing this self sabotage to ourselves. For those who are spiritually inclined, combining affirmations with scriptural and inspirational references may be even more potent. Another one of my favorite positive affirmations is, "Every day in every way, I get better and better." This was given by the famous French psychologist Emile Coue sometimes considered the father of auto suggestion. He was highly successful healing all kinds of physical and emotional maladies through only the use of the mind.

I am beautiful (or handsome) inside and out
I am worth it
I am worthy of _____
I am proud of my accomplishments
I am intelligent, caring, and dependable
I am loved
I am successful
I am talented
I am my best self
I am strong
I am the master of my own destiny
I am capable of overcoming my fears
I am thankful for _____
I have the right to speak my mind
I love who I am
I love my _____
I can achieve any goal I set my mind to
I accept myself for who I am
I choose to live my life to the fullest
I deserve to be happy

Source - Be Positive: Twenty Positive Mantras for Positivity http://www.themindfulword.org/2015/positive-personal-mantras-for-positivity/

Healthy Anger and 3rd Wave Cognitive Therapies

I have been working with anger (myself or others) for many years now and I find this to be very gratifying and quite fascinating work. One of the truly interesting things and great misconceptions is that so many people think anger is "wrong." What's great is that when I explain to a new client that anger is not really "wrong" per se they usually look at me with a joyful sense of relief, sort of like finding out, "Oh you mean there's nothing wrong with me?" or "Really? I don't need to be sent to the land of unwanted toys because I have anger?" (e.g., guilt, shame) The limiting belief and notion that anger is wrong could be nothing further from the truth. Anger is a healthy emotion and perhaps one of the most useful emotions that humans have. Yes it is true that when anger is not controlled well, it can be deadly, to both oneself and others. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is OK to go around spewing anger all over everyone in close proximity or who is irritating. But the real growth occurs when learning that there is a very fine line between healthy expression of anger, and unhealthy expression or what is often called "toxic" anger.

Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence

Please imagine with me for a moment, if you will. Let's imagine together that if we - all of humanity - stopped focusing so intensively on what is wrong with one another and with ourselves, and rather began focusing more intensively on what is good, positive, and beneficial about one another, then our lives may just change dramatically for the better. I wonder, is this possible?

Well, Martin Seligman created something called the "Values in Action" assessment at the University of Pennsylvania based on his extensive research. Seligman is typically considered the father of strengths-based psychology. Strengths psychology, or Positive Psychology, is concerned with focusing on what is good, healthy, and well with people rather than on what is wrong with them, as unfortunately the field of mental health has tended to do over the past 100 years. Seligman and his team have performed this research on strengths since the 1990’s; over two million people have taken this assessment and it has proven accurate with high validity.

The VIA Survey of Character Strengths is an assessment that offers twenty-four character strengths in six categories which include Wisdom, Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, and Transcendence, and can help one understand him or herself better and help one learn to springboard off their innate strengths. Research shows doing this will improve happiness and the overall quality of life. A partial sample of these twenty-four strengths are creativity, curiosity, honesty, zest, kindness, fairness, humility, hope, humor, and so on. The VIA assessment is free to anyone and can be taken online at www.viacharacter.org.

One way to springboard off your strengths using the VIA is to use your favorite character strength in a unique or new way each day. One of my top strengths, or one of my “signature strengths” is Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence. Wow! Think about it, there are so many interesting and creative ways to bring this strength to life. Following are merely a few examples:

1. Gratitude -- Each time you see something of great beauty – STOP! – take a few long, deep breaths and feel a sense of thankfulness. Connect this feeling to a Universal power great than yourself.

2. Visualization – Relax, close your eyes, and allow yourself to go into a brief and simple meditation. Envision past moments of experiencing awe, wonder, or elevation in your life. Maybe it was the birth of your child, or your sibling’s wedding day. Perhaps it was seeing a breathtaking work of art like Pieta by Michelangelo or Water Lillies by Monet. Or, it could have been the internal feeling you had when you met your first love, or the day you graduated college. Go back in your mind to these experiences. Savor them. Make them a part of who you are.

3. Take a few hours on a free day and make a date or appointment with yourself to find and appreciate some beauty and excellence that you would not usually do, something out of ordinary. It could be a walk in nature in a unique place, or observing nature in some new way. Possibly try spending an hour with your child or friend noticing and observing something special or beautiful in them and letting them know about it.

These activities I’ve mentioned are only a few ideas, be creative! Go ahead and take the VIA and have fun playing with your unique gifts!

Avoidance of Change Blocks You From Reaching Your True Potential

The current research seems to bear it out: a Gallup Poll reveals a high percentage of Americans are unhappy and unfulfilled, only 30 % of Americans feel engaged by their work and more than 60% do not feel that their skills and talents are being used effectively in their work or by their employer. One of the driving questions I often think about is: if people are not happy with their lives and with their jobs and with what they spend their time doing each day, then why won’t more people make changes in their life? Why do so many people, as Henry David Thoreau wrote nearly 200 years ago, “lead lives of quiet desperation” remaining unhappy, tragically stuck in situations that are draining them of vitality, hope, enthusiasm, and energy?

Of course part of the blame is to be put on the work and economic system, we know that the state of the American economy in 2014 is not optimal and that there is a big rift between rich and poor and that the material gains of work are not always the driving force they could be for vocational satisfaction. For that matter, even in more comfortable times it’s never been easy to create or find the job of one’s dreams, it simply won’t fall into your lap. Nevertheless, the reality is that America is among the most abundant countries in the world with tremendous opportunity, even with a down but shifting upward economy. We also know that happiness is not ALL about work, there is a bigger picture to the "happiness puzzle," but job satisfaction does comprise a substantial piece of this puzzle. Knowing that one spends almost ½ their waking hours at their work, it then becomes clear how significant job satisfaction will be to life satisfaction.

The reason that people remain stuck is that too often, people tend to avoid change. We tend to avoid making decisions and changes necessary to create happiness and fulfillment based upon feelings of comfort or short-term gain, rather than long-term fulfillment. If there is a steady paycheck coming each week, even if it is not truly what we know we need in terms of happiness, still we don’t want to rock the boat and jeopardize it.

Ask yourself extremely an important question: “What is holding me back to living my passion?” “What are the roadblocks – in terms of psychological, financial, life resources, or anything else – I am allowing to impede my pursuit of happiness and fulfillment?” Remember that the founding fathers declared in the Declaration of Independence over 200 years ago that, “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” are unalienable rights given by our Creator. What they wrote was true; however, what the founders did not also mention was that we sometimes must pursue or create these things in order for them to work for us in our lives, they probably aren’t going to drop in our laps. Unfortunately, at times we are each our own worst enemy and allow the fear of change, avoidance, or denial to get in the way of finding our own truth. You can therefore ask, what are some ways to make life transformation easier to handle so I won't fear change so much?

Compassionate Heart

Current research in science shows how powerful kindness and compassion are. Obviously the actions of kindness are beneficial, that’s always been known – we have always been able to see clearly how acts of generosity benefit the lives of those we help. For example, if you help a senior citizen neighbor carry the groceries, you can readily observe how it eases the burden on her back and disposition. Or, if a traveler is lost, providing directions to help find the way to a loved one’s home, for example, a smile spreads across her face and you can see how she is immediately relieved of her anxiety. But what science also now shows is that even simply thinking about or envisioning kindness is extremely powerful to well-being, which can also bring benefits to those around us, because we know intuitively that our moods, feeling, and mind states are contagious and can shift the consciousness of any group of people we are with. So, when you are less stressed and feel happy, you tend to convey fewer tense or stressed feelings to those around you.

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that simply meditating on thoughts of kindness and compassion is beneficial to both physical and mental health. Research performed at University of Wisconsin by a team led by Richard Davidson, and research led by Barbara Frederickson at University of North Carolina, as well as research at Duke University show that cultivating thoughts of kindness can help to reduce anxiety, negative emotions and moods, minimize physical pain, lessen anger and psychological stress, and at the same time increases feelings of hopefulness and optimism.

This author is not saying that actions of kindness aren’t extremely important, because of course they are. But the point is that action with spirit and thoughtfulness can even go to a deeper and more profound level, penetrating to the level of the human spirit. When we offer an act of kindness it is truly the spirit with which we perform it that makes it profound. If you give a very generous tip to a waiter at dinner yet snarl, moan, and berate them the whole time they have served you, surely they appreciate the extra pocket change but are probably thinking to themselves (in a cynical, sarcastic manner), “Hey, I can do without the tip, I think I’ll survive this week without your generous help.” But if you do it with a smile and warm heart, they’ll very likely accept it with gratitude and excitement.

So, the message here is not, “Don’t give.” By all means do give --Yes, give! But when you give, give with all your heart, soul, and mind. Also, even when you aren’t giving, you can actually do stuff to help make your heart more pure, so that giving has more meaning. When you’re not able to give in a physical way, you can think about giving, you can meditate on kindness, and contemplate compassion --your heart will change for the better, and others will surely feel it. Doing this, you are cultivating positive emotions and well-being in your own life, which also spreads to those all around you.

Cultivating Positive Strengths

There has been much interest recently in the fields of mental healthcare and allopathic medicine, as well as in the area of research psychology, on how to find ways to help individuals become more strengths-oriented. This means living more from one’s strengths, virtues, skills, talents, gifts, rather than from deficits. This may be new in terms of modern healthcare, but the fact is this is really nothing new, in instinctive or intuitive ways people have relied upon the use of personal strengths as long as humans have desired to improve their lives. Nonetheless, as the modern research is showing, a well-thought, evidence-based use of tools such as research, assessments, guidance and coaching can be an extremely helpful aid in realizing and living one’s strengths.

In my experience and study, I have learned that the use of strengths is truly more art than science, and is really ancient. For example, we can glean tremendous lessons from the historic Chinese masters who understood many truths about strengths. They recognized thousands of years ago that strength was individualized and not “cookie-cutter.” They recognized that strengths emanated internally from self-awareness, and were never about force or power, but instead about skill, subtlety, and mastery. Many of the rules of strengths were outlined years ago in the historic treatise of Lao Tzu, the Tao Te Ching. Many see Taoism not as religion but a study and observation of life and human nature, of how the natural world works, and of how humans inter-relate with nature.

Exciting research on strengths and practical application has come from the emerging field of positive psychology, which often parallels the ancient insights. Positive psychology is spurring a paradigm shift toward wellness and wholeness, and is permeating psychology and mental health. Instead of the traditional focus on “disease” or “illness” e.g., fixing what is wrong with people most of the time through the use of pills or surgery, positive psychology is more holistic and focuses intensively on what is right and well with people, and on how individuals can draw upon their inner resources to improve their lives in terms of enhanced well-being, improved interpersonal relationships, work, creativity, and spiritual pursuits.

Two of the premier tools used in positive psychology to identify and engage human strengths are the VIA developed in the United States by the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, and the Realise2 created in the UK by Alex Linley. Linley developed the fascinating strengths theory that forms the basis of the Realise2 assessment, which explains how strengths work. Linley’s strengths theory, the Realise2 4M model, is fairly simple and straightforward, and is divided into four primary categories, which include: strengths, unrealized strengths, weaknesses, and learned behaviors.

The 4M strengths theory puts forth that a strength is any activity which energizes, is performed well, and is used frequently. 4M theory says strengths use should be marshaled, in other words a person’s strengths should be utilized frequently but still kept in balance. We can relate this notion of marshaling strengths to wisdom from the ancient Taoists about balance. The whole of the Taoist philosophical system was built upon the concept of balance, represented by the yin and yang symbol; the concept of balance is referred to over and over in the Tao Te Ching. A primary lesson we gain from the yin and yang archetype, and from the wisdom of the Tao is that just about everything in life functions more harmoniously when people and culture aspire toward balance. Authentic strength is rooted in balance, self-awareness, and yielding, not force. The Tao Te Ching says, “You must never think of conquering others by force. Whatever strains with force, will soon decay. It is not attuned to the Way…Yielding is the way of the Tao.” In American culture, we tend to live under the perspective that more is better; and, that more action is better. However, the Tao says that balancing action with “yielding” and “being,” is optimal, what is real strength. 4M theory also tells us about the essential importance of “being,” putting forth that with strengths use, more is not necessarily better; and that balance is optimal.

4M theory also gives us “unrealized strengths.” These are energizing activities which are performed well, but tend to have not been used much. It is important to identify unrealized strengths and maximize their use, at least until they become strengths and then marshal or moderate their use. Weaknesses are activities that are de-energizing, not performed well, and their use should be limited. Learned behaviors are ones that are de-energizing, but performed well, and their use should be moderated.

What’s cool about integrating strengths more fully is that not only are the use of strengths empowering and can help maximize performance, but also improve quality of life by reducing stress and enhancing health. Renowned stress researcher Hans Selye was one of the first researchers to recognize that stress isn’t always destructive; he called beneficial stress, “eustress.” Most of us know in an intuitive way, that when we overextend ourselves by taking on too many responsibilities, or simply not take sufficient self-care though proper sleep or diet, this can be detrimental to both our physical or psychological well-being. Such aspects of stress are fairly well known, but according to Selye certain types of stress can also have a specific positive effect upon our well-being. Eustress can be experienced when we acknowledge and consciously implement our strengths, and balance their usage. 4M says that strengths energize people, which is interestingly very similar to health researcher Richard Lazarus’s definition (Lazarus followed up Selye’s research) of eustress which is, “the positive cognitive response to stress that is healthy, or gives one a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings.”

Just about anything in life could be either stressful or life-enhancing depending upon its use. For example, people who are high performers thrive or flourish in the same activities and tasks in which others are stressed out, or suffer from burnout. Why? There are a myriad of possible reasons, but a primary one is because the individual who thrives finds that particular task or activity as a strength, whereas the other finds it as a weakness. When we begin to be introspective, reflective, contemplative, and use self-analysis and intuition, we learn what our strengths are and therefore improve well-being by reducing distress and maximizing eustress.

Putting one’s strengths to use begins with understanding the nature of strengths and how they emanate from a person’s internal core; again, this is not new, in fact quite ancient. Exciting new research and many people in helping fields are learning to put internal strengths to use in very practical and tangible ways to help bring out their best in all areas of life. Not only that, but when people learn to rely upon strengths more often, they energize themselves and become less stressed by generating more positive physiology and biochemistry e.g., more positive hormones and less destructive ones. We are only beginning to see the virtually unlimited potential of realizing and living out one’s personal and individualized strengths.

Living From Your Center

We live in the “culture of ADHD,” which means that, in our environment, we are constantly inundated by stimulation overload of all types; some of it good, and some bad. The information overload, the marketing and promotion, newsbites, expectations of social peers and family, cultural norms that have grown to unrealistic proportions, interpersonal conflicts, rapidly expanding new technologies and hot new trends -- we've got something new going viral on the Internet just about every nano-second.

Again, some of this stimulation is positive, and some is negative, however, when it reaches the form of “overload” none of it is beneficial because it becomes undue stress. When we can deal with the stimulation in a harmonious way, it can be energizing and useful, this is the difference between positive stress called eustress, and negative stress, or distress. Learning the art of balance, we become skilled at ways to filter what is needed, and what is not, therefore maximizing the positive, life-giving, vitalizing stress and reducing negative stress that drains our energy.

It only makes sense that the bombardment of stress and overload takes us away from what matters most, because we only have so much mental and physical energy to go around, to sustain us each day and each moment. The problem is that often we haven’t made clear to ourselves what truly matters most in our lives; until we become mindful of what is important, what really matters, it is also difficult to create the filters we need for well-being. Only then can we know what we need to get rid of, and what to keep in our moment to moment existence. When we aren’t clear on what truly matters, then we find ourselves bouncing like a ping pong ball from one bit of stimulation to the next. It is only until we find our center that we are truly able to reduce distractions and disharmony.

Living can be a truly creative process and in many ways we can learn lessons from the creative process utilized by artists and creators of all types, for example in music, art, writing, business, construction, and other areas of life probably since the beginning of systematized knowledge or before. Defining what matters and living that way is intelligent, creative, and also an instinctive and intuitive process, what is meant by “living from your center.”

A great tool for this creative purpose is the Life Balance Wheel. It has taken many forms, but at its simplest it is merely a circle with a dot at the center, divided into segments like a pie. The different segments represent a different area of one’s life for example such as spirituality, relationships, health/wellness, work, leisure, creativity, and so on. The circle can be segmented in various ways, whatever makes the most sense to you. However, the way to help define your purpose and live increasingly from the center is to ask yourself important questions about your values such as: “What are my core values, what are the things that matter most to me in the following particular area________________?” (Fill in the blank with one of the life topics).

So, for example, asking yourself the above question for the topic of intimate relationships, the following could be possible answers for defining core values: deep listening, heartfelt compassion, honoring one another, sharing, peace, mutuality, non-hierarchical relationship, giving one another space, working together toward goals, having fun together – these are merely examples, write down what is evocative, what matters to you personally! Based on this hypothetical list, for example, if you have found yourself not listening to your mate at an important time, you can come back to your center and realize in that moment you are not aligned with your core values (in this case, deep listening)and what’s meaningful and important to you, and take steps to get back in alignment. Make this a creative process by brainstorming: try different words, meditate on the process, create and envision new possibilities, and so on. When things enter your life that don’t align with your core values, then learn to draw boundaries and omit them. Living from your center means getting aligned with core values, what matters most. Living in this way helps to minimize cognitive dissonance, or internal conflict, and negative, life-draining stress.

Moving Toward Your Strengths

Ask yourself a simple question: Would you rather know a huge pile of information about your problems, or instead know specific solutions, how to change and improve upon them? The question really does sound foolish and simplistic, but for some reason the field of psychology has long been focused upon pathologizing, that is, labelling and describing to a "T" every type of mental health concern. It has created neat little categories in its book, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), its categories include disorders of mood, personality, anxiety, dissociation, adjustment, the list goes on and continues to grow with each new revision.

In many senses understanding problems is useful, and is one side of the healing and well-being equation. However, the truth is that the mental health field has not been very good at finding solutions to problems. Overall, it hasn't learned much about enhancing and amplifying well-being, identifying peoples' strengths or identifying ways of putting strengths into action. Finding resolutions to problems is an important aspect, says psychologist and accepted founder of the positive psychology movement, Martin Seligman. Seligman, though, say that the fields of counseling and psychology in the 21st century largely left out the most important side of the well-being and health equation, better questions that include: what makes people well? How do we increase happiness? How can one flourish? What will it take to make people's lives deeper and more meaningful? How can we increase the level of passion and engagement in life activities and in interpersonal relationships?

This new field of positive psychology founded by Seligman is not really a new field at all, but had been studied and researched for many years prior in the field of psychology by luminaries including Abraham Maslow, who coined the terms, "peak experience" and "self-actualization," and by Carl Rogers who taught that human growth and change happens within, not something transfered by an expert or professional. Carl Jung, former prized pupil of Sigmund Freud, also said that this change process is primarily an inner journey, and is about the harmonizing of unconscious and conscious psychic energies, there were numerous other influences as well. Additionally, the new, scientific study of positive psychology draws heavily from work of ancient cultures and religious philosophies.

A foundational treatise of the new positive psychology -- ideally, one that mental health professionals will begin turning to with increasing frequency -- is a book developed by Seligman and Chris Peterson titled the Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification. This book lists 24 identified character strengths grouped in 6 categories. Other researchers in the field and in related fields are examining additional strengths-based metrics as well. Hopefully, psychology has turned a corner toward becoming more enlightened particularly in terms of how it views change and the human personality, toward strengths instead of deficits.

Mindful Journaling

I cannot think of a better way to improve mindfulness e.g., learning to live each moment with presence, attentiveness, self-awareness, and heart-centered compassion for self and others – than through the regular practice of writing expressively from one’s heart and mind, in a journal. I am not merely referring to what used to be called, “diary writing,” but rather progressive, cutting-edge writing techniques for self-growth and creative expression.

Through evidence based research, our understanding of personal writing and mindfulness and their effects on mental and physical well-being have expanded dramatically. Prominent research by Dr. James Pennebaker at the University of Texas on therapeutic writing, and Dr. Richard Davidson’s on meditation and attention at the University of Wisconsin have broken ground for a huge wave of follow-up research about these, and related research topics.

So, how can a journal be used to improve mindfulness? Initial ideas or concepts that come to mind are the enhancement of clarity and creativity through writing. If we live our lives as though we’re in a “haze,” and are mentally fuzzy about our personal values, needs, and wants; if we are out of touch with our innate, inbred creative capacities – well, to me that’s not very mindful. Creative applications of journaling allow us to sift through the excess stimuli streaming at us from things like information and technology overload, excessive work and family responsibilities, as well as unrealistic social and cultural expectations, among other influences. Such chronic overload contributes to the collective, growing feelings and symptoms of distractedness, angst, anxiety, depression, and general mental fog or “brain lock.”

There are numerous journal techniques to help move through or beyond these problems (the extent of which cannot be elucidated upon in this article). However, a great example of one basic technique or practice to improve mindfulness through journaling is stream of consciousness writing combined with a simple mindful check-in.

Stream of consciousness writing has been used for a long time to improve well-being. In fact, the legendary psychologist Sigmund Freud had his clients either write or talk in a stream without censoring or filtering thoughts in order to bypass their “inner critic,” the self-critical voice that often hinders positive personal development. Writing in this way allows access to a hidden reservoir of wisdom, knowledge, and creativity beyond the conscious part of the mind, called the subconscious. More recently, author Julia Cameron popularized the practice with her “morning pages” journaling technique.

A mindful check-in is simply moving one’s attention inwardly, listening contemplatively to what’s going on inside including thoughts, feelings, bodily perceptions, and emotions – tuning in to to the movements of the spirit. At any moment during the day, one can open a journal, turn the attention inward for a few moments or a few minutes, and write in stream of consciousness fashion about what he or she is experiencing by asking the simple question: “What am I feeling right now?”

Journaling pioneer Lucia Cappacione claims that the mere use of this single practice can be life-changing. Practicing regularly can increase mindfulness, self-awareness, deepen one’s sense of mental and emotional clarity, and generally improve one’s sense of self, and self-efficacy.

The Psychology of The Power of Love

Mystics and poets have contemplated that love may be the unifying force of existence itself; and, Romanticism is an intellectual and arts/cultural movement that is built on the foundation of love and transcendent thought; it has been said in these realms that love is beyond verbal communication, beyond words themselves. For example, there is an old story that one day the great spiritual teacher the Buddha (for whom Buddhism is named) was set to give a talk before thousands of people; however when he appeared, instead of proffering a sermon the Buddha held a flower and stood in silence with a beautiful smile on his face. Time passed for a span, and then one of his top disciples, Mahākāśyapa, began to laugh. Buddha handed Mahākāśyapa the flower. It is speculated that this student was the only one who actually grasped or understood the true nature of the Buddha’s teaching – the simple teaching that love is the great lesson transmitted from teacher to student, which cannot be conveyed through words.

We tend to think of love in human terms, but love takes many forms: there is love for animals; love for material objects such as rings,trinkets, or fishing poles; love for a concept, virtue, or activity such as love for “hard work” or for music; and there is spiritual or Divine love meaning love for God. In the path of Vedanta, the philosophy that underlies yogic thought and practice, there is the path called Bhakti Yoga. Bhakti yoga is the path of devotion, which explains that all of the different types of love that exist are merely individual “rays” of the greater prism or spectrum of love called Divine love or love of God. This love is referred to as bhava, and it is also sub-categorized to explain the different rays of human love such as vatsalya bhava, love of a mother toward child; madhur bhava, romantic love; or, sankhya bhava, love between friends; and so on.

In positive psychology, love can be difficult to quantify. However a major finding on happiness research is that the love between husband and wife is very powerful, Seligman (2002) states, “Marriage is a more potent happiness factor than satisfaction with job, or finances, or community” (p.187). Even though the Vedanta idea of Divine love is acknowledged by adherents of the philosophy, in general Americans and humans are social animals so to speak, and tend to thrive within the interdependence and shelter of positive, nurturing relationships. We don’t often tend to find Americans meditating and praying on Godly scriptures up in mountaintop caves. Positive psychology research also shows however, that having faith, a religious practice, and love for a higher power, with everything else considered, is also a good predictor of happiness (Myers, 1992).

References

Myers, D.G. (1992). The pursuit of happiness: Discovering the pathway to fulfillment, well-being, and enduring personal joy. New York, NY: Harper Collins.

Seligman, M.E.P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

The Mind and Health

Do optimism and positivity truly influence physiological health and well-being? Assuming they do, could we therefore actually change our mental state - our levels of optimism, hope, and positivity to create better physiological health and well-being? If so, to what degree and how would we do it?

Research findings seem to show pretty clearly that when people feel helpless and as though they cannot change their circumstances, they tend to suppress their own immune systems (Locke, 1997). A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine by Cohen et al.(1991) confirmed that stress and helplessness inhibit the body’s ability to fight illness and disease. Approximately 400 participants were given questionnaires designed to measure negative outlook, emotions, and helplessness; the results show that an average of 2 to 1 people with negative psychological assessment, when exposed to the common cold virus, came down with the cold symptoms. These findings have been replicated with consistency.

One of the first scientific studies to show the connection between psychology and immune function occurred, in a sense, inadvertently by Dr. Robert Ader at the University of Rochester in the 1970’s. Dr. Ader and colleagues were researching classical conditioning with lab rats. They fed the rats a mixture of sugar water simultaneously with a drug which suppressed immune function (the drug was called Cytoxan); Cytoxan also caused nausea and taste aversion. Next, the researchers unexpectedly found that when they fed the rats only the sugar water, the rats’ immune systems also became depressed, and some rats even died! The experiments were reproduced over and over with essentially the same results. This was perhaps the first time that science was able to show the mind’s power over immune and endocrine function (Locke, 1997).

The new field of positive psychology is about “positive change.” Positive psychology, in a sense, was developed as a response to a system that had been flawed - the conventional mental health system during the mid part of the 20th century. This has been referred to as the disease model of care - which according to Seligman only provided half the true story of wellness (and maybe less) by focusing solely on treating mental illness and not on mental health. Seligman spent most of his fledgling days in academia studying learned helplessness and hopelessness. That system he was immersed in had been mired in a mindset of stagnation, or, the idea that our level of happiness, our state of mental health was fixed and unchangeable. The main conceptualization had become that when people were diagnosed with mental illness, they were labeled as “broken” and according to the disease model of care it could only be through drugs (and/or complicated and involved psychological analysis) that change was possible (Lampropoulos, 2001), but not very much through self-care practices. However, a humanistic psychologist, researcher and practitioner, Carl Rogers, did much to change this viewpoint by offering what he called a client-centered model.

One of the most simple but significant ways that positive thought affects our health is through the absence of depression and hopelessness. When people are depressed and hopeless, they are pessimistic and therefore often do not take actions to improve their own well-being (Kliff, 2007). For example, one may not utilize wellness and coping skills such as eating right, exercising, and managing or coping with stress effectively. We have lots of scientific information to show that the absence of self-care behaviors impacts physical well-being.

Dean Ornish, for example, was perhaps the first to prove that coronary heart disease (CHD) can not only be slowed or prevented but actually reversed through integrative holistic practices. Ornish’s program combines diet and nutrition, exercise, and learned skills to reduce psychological distress such as hostility, anxiety, and depression, which have been correlated with increased risks for heart disease. It is difficult to determine exactly what percentage each (diet, exercise, psychosocial skills) play in reducing CHD, however, it is becoming increasingly clear that a holistic approach is optimal in order to prevent problems before they occur.

Sometimes the best way to know something is by what it is not, or through its absence. For example, knowing how health is affected in the absence of optimism and positive emotion perhaps tells us about its opposite corollary. Significant research comes from Pennebaker (King et al, 1998), whose first interest in expression, writing, and disclosure came when he was giving polygraph tests for the FBI, and he noticed the dramatic reductions in blood pressure and heart rates and reductions in bodily perspiration. In his research, Pennebaker found that undisclosed trauma of various kinds actually doubles the risk of illness (King et al., 1998).

Some of the important findings Pennebaker has obtained through years and years of research about disclosure are that: 1. Writing about one’s deepest feelings and thoughts connected with personal experiences is most significant. It is not necessarily daily diary keeping that seems to be the most important aspect, but rather it is, “integrating” one’s experiences on a deep level that seems to help the most. (However, Pennebaker isn't saying not to write regularly, because it still probably a good habit to develop) 2. Pennebaker's research seems to show that it is not necessary to share one’s experiences with others, which may be shocking to counselors and therapists. Again, Pennebaker is not putting forth that counseling is not important or helpful, rather I think he is saying that many of the same benefits can also be obtained through self-disclosure.

References

Cohen, S & Tyrrell, D. & Smith, A.P. (1991). Psychological stress and susceptibility to the common cold. The New England Journal of Medicine, 325(9), 606-611.

King, D.J. & Holden, J.M. (Summer, 1998). Disclosure of trauma and psychosomatic health An interview with James W. Pennebaker. Journal of Counseling & Development, 76(3).

Kliff, S. (2007). This is your brain on optimism: New research reveals the biological roots of positive thinking. How a rosy outlook can affect your health. Newsweek. October 24. Retrieved December 23, 2010 from http://www.newsweek.com/2007/10/23/this-is-your-brain-on-optimism.html

Lampropoulos, G. (Jan, 2001). Integrating Psychopathology, positive psychology, and
psychotherapy. American Psychologist, 56(1).

Locke, S. (1997). The healer within: The new medicine of mind and body. Plume Publishing.

Pischke, C.R. & Scherwitz, L. & Weidner, G. & Ornish, D. (September, 2008). Long-term effects of lifestyle changes on well-being and cardiac variables among coronary heart disease patients. Health Psychology, 27(5) 584-592.

Selgman, M.E.P. (2002). Authentic happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.

Positive Psychology and Schizophrenia

Many people are probably not aware that much of the work on family therapy actually began with research on schizophrenia. According to Nichols et al., researchers felt that the "strange patterns of interaction [in families in which psychosis was present] were so dramatic," if they could understand such an extreme condition, it would likely shed light on so many other less extreme mental health conditions as well. (Nichols, et al., 2007) Ultimately, doing this work, researchers were able to identify patterns in families that were not healthy. Such patterns include extreme conflicting messages such as the "double bind," rigid family roles, faulty parental models of identification, and the "rubber fence." The rubber fence, identified by Wynne, is parental rigidity that limits outside contact for the children. It is particularly ironic because it often occurs in the lives of many children who need outside contact the most, who live in such a toxic family culture.

The study of schizophrenia and family culture has certainly provided significant measure of understanding of disease, of why people get sick. That is one part of the equation. However, the other side of it, e.g., the dangers and consequences of focusing only on disease etiology, is that using this perspective we also tend to blame, label, and diagnose. Doing so, we tend to lose focus of the most important aspects of recovery, such as strengths, positive qualities and beneficial characteristics of both the individuals involved and whole families.(Seligman, et al., 2006)

References

Nichols, M.P.; Shwartz, R.C. (2007). Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods (8th edition). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Seligman, M.; Rashid, T.; Parks, A.C. (November 2006) American Psychologist. pp.774-778.