Reduce Stress and Enhance Well-being Through Cultivating Your Strengths

There has been much interest recently in the fields of mental healthcare and wellness, as well as in the area of research psychology; on how to find ways to help individuals become more strengths-oriented. This means living more from one’s strengths, virtues, skills, talents, gifts, rather than from deficits. This may be new in terms of modern healthcare, but the fact is this is really nothing new - in instinctive or intuitive ways people have relied upon the use of personal strengths as long as humans have desired to improve their lives. Nonetheless, as the modern research is showing, a well-thought, evidence-based use of tools such as research, assessments, guidance, and coaching can be an extremely helpful aid in realizing and living one’s strengths.

Today, exciting research on strengths and practical application comes primarily from the emerging field of positive psychology. Positive psychology is spurring a paradigm shift toward wellness and wholeness, and is permeating psychology and mental health. Instead of the traditional focus on disease or illness; fixing what is wrong with people most of the time through the use of pills or surgery.  Positive psychology is more holistic and focuses intensively on what is right and well with people, and on how individuals can draw upon their inner resources to improve their lives in terms of enhanced well-being, improved interpersonal relationships, work, creativity, and spiritual pursuits. Some of the best assessments currently available for helping to understand personal strengths and put them to use are the Realise2 developed by Alex Linley, the Strengthsfinder 2.0 by Donald Clifton, and the VIA by Martin Seligman. All of these assessments are simple to take and can be either taken online, or ordered directly from the publisher’s website at a moderate cost, or completely free (the VIA is free).

What’s cool about integrating strengths more fully into one’s life is that not only are the use of strengths empowering and can help maximize performance, but also improve quality of life by reducing stress and improving health. During the middle part of the 20th century, renowned stress researcher Hans Selye became one of the first to recognize that stress isn’t always destructive, and that positive lifestyle behaviors can be beneficial to physiology. He named beneficial stress, eustress. We all know in an intuitive way that when we overextend ourselves by taking on too many responsibilities, or simply not take sufficient self-care though proper sleep or diet, it can be detrimental to both our physical or psychological well-being. The destructive aspects of stress are fairly well known, but according to Selye, certain forms of stress can also have a specific positive effect upon our health and well-being. Eustress can be experienced when we acknowledge and consciously implement our strengths. Linley’s theory of strengths says that strengths energize people, which is interestingly very similar to health researcher Richard Lazarus’s definition (Lazarus followed up Selye’s research) of eustress which is, “the positive cognitive response to stress that is healthy, or gives one a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings.”

Just about anything in life, any activity, could be either stressful or fulfilling depending upon a person’s connection with it. For example, people who are high performers thrive or flourish in the same activities and tasks in which others become stressed out, or suffer from burnout. Why? There are a myriad of potential contributing factors, but a primary one is because the individual who thrives makes a connection and finds that particular task or activity as strength, whereas the other person finds it as a weakness. The key is very simple: When an activity is strength it energizes; but when it’s a weakness, it drains. When we begin to listen inwardly, practice introspection, mindfulness, reflection, and intuition (and, with the aid of assessments such as those mentioned above), we discover our strengths, thereby improving well-being by reducing distress and maximizing eustress.

Putting one’s strengths to use begins with understanding the nature of strengths and how they emanate from one’s internal core; intuitively this is not necessarily new, but in fact quite ancient. However today, exciting new research shows people are learning both intuitively and systematically how to put internal strengths to use in very practical and tangible ways to bring out their best in all areas of life. When people learn to rely upon strengths more often, they energize themselves and become less stressed by generating more positive physiology and biochemistry e.g., more positive hormones and less destructive ones. We are only beginning to see the virtually unlimited potential of realizing and living out one’s personal and individualized strengths.

Self Compassion and the Distracted Mind

In our way of life today in the information age, with its frenetic pace and correlated explosion of media and marketing, there are so many ways in which we are pressured to "keep up with the Joneses," at times it feels like it would be great if we could let it all go and simply not worry about any of it. In fact, there actually is something called F-It therapy -- simply saying F-it and letting go when stress gets overwhelming. I agree with F-It's basic premise, learning to say F-it can be quite liberating, though can be highly challenging at times and can take practice as well. Another thing we might do in order to make the ride and journey a little more joy-filled and less stressed is learn to be more compassionate and allowing toward ourselves and others; it really does start with kindness and compassion towards oneself.

In order to be effective we've got to be able to focus and think clearly about what we are doing, but if our minds are filled with chatter especially harsh, self-loathing thoughts, that task becomes very difficult. So, how do we shut off the endless chatter of our distractable, "monkey mind"? Renowned meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says we need to "quiet the mind in any way we can," and I have found what Kornfield says is true. Sometimes saying F-it may not be enough, so we try other ways. Meditation, yoga, breathing, are all great remedies and it is a great idea to develop a daily practice incorporating these types of things. Further, we are all unique, and there may be other activities that help quite the mind as well. They could be dancing, drawing or another form of art, writing, walking or other exercise -- really could be anything but try and focus on calming ones, or what Chinese healing refers to as "yin" activities. Any activity that offers you the opportunity to experience a sense of what Claremont Graduate University professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow" --which is being so engaged in an activity you are enjoying that you lose track of yourself, time, and your surroundings, and one also in in which your skill level is a good match for the difficulty -- will help you learn to better manage your mind, thoughts, and moods.

So, finding activities that give the opportunity to experience flow is important but calming the monkey mind can also take some concerted effort as well. One great technique offered by psychologist Elisha Goldstein is called S.T.O.P. a simple acronym which stands for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed. Pretty simple, but quite effective. When we notice our mind spinning out of control, away from the task at hand, use these steps to help bring you back to your center. Yet, the key is mindfulness, learning to notice when that is happening. Additionally, research shows that labeling what we are feeling and experiencing is beneficial to gaining more control of our emotions. I use the S.T.O.P. technique very frequently and it works great and can be used with a number of variations as well. One great variation is a to insert a positive affirmation immediately after taking a breath, e.g., a positive statement of self-talk such as, "I am calm and relaxed." Thank you for reading, and I will have more solutions for quieting the monkey mind in upcoming posts…..

Breaking Free From The Mundane

When it is presented to people, many “get” the idea of mindfulness and its practice, but others frequently resist the idea. Why is it?.... We are all seeking similar things in life – we want happiness in so many varied ways, by seeking fulfillment, joy, love, satisfaction, creativity, connection, spontaneity, stimulation, novelty, stability, consistency, etc. - overall I think in these things we are seeking some measure of sweetness in our lives, we want to be uplifted from the boring, drab, gross elements of life that drag us into the mental/physical muck or mundane. Those and other things are what we all constantly seek over and over and over and over and over again. If you notice your life, it is a constant game of seeking such things repetitively without cessation. Have you questioned the purpose of it?

But doesn’t it also occur that we cannot ONLY seek these things endlessly? There has got to be a break. There has got to be some refuge from the same old, same old, same old stuff that we do over and over and over. There has got to some mechanism, perhaps built into our lives by nature that allows us to break free from this repetitive treadmill of seeking. That is what mindfulness is. When one empties the mind and focuses on an internal event (e.g., the breath, or bodily sensations) or something external (e.g., a flickering candle, or our feet walking as they repetitively touch the ground) they are consciously taking a break from life, even if only for a few minutes. One is also taking a break from themselves, breaking free from the treadmill of desires that ensnare them. We do not do this because those desires are bad, evil, sinful, or shameful (well, maybe sometimes...)

No, practicing this is to help make those things more beautiful and enrapturing. When we take even a short break (or perhaps even a longer one) from the desiring or wanting mind or the "chasing" lifestyle, it is actually a way to enhance the pleasure and beauty and joyfulness that we return to when we are done. Without some vacation from the repetitive, it can be all too much to handle. Going to Bermuda or the Bahamas or Cancun are great, and that is recommended too, the problem is unless we are millionaires we can't do that everyday, and the other problem is that even in Cancun we won't be de-stressed if our mind is chattering and agitated. Try calming and centering in the here and now and you might find an amazing experience right within.

Expanding Happiness

One of the biggest mistakes I think people make in attempting to be happy is that they become what I (and others) call, MYOPIC. What the word means in this context is they lose sight of the big picture and get hyperfocused on the notion that one particular thing will bring them happiness. Don't mistake what I am saying - it's not that being focused on one thing is bad; no, because being focused on a pursuit or goal is a good idea and will pay dividends. But, ultimately one must STRIKE A BALANCE between expanded awareness and focusing on one specific goal.

These two sides of the balance pie - focus, and big picture vision - are both critically important. However, in my view, seeing and having a grasp for the larger perspective of one's life is critically important to being happy. A great example of this would be the commonly seen saga of rock stars or celebrities. They spend much of their lives hyperfocused on perfecting their skill and craft, attaining success, reaching their goals, and as has been well documented, often ultimately fail to find happiness but rather end up with drug, gambling, other forms of addiction, or depression. Their lives become uni-dimensional because they've lost sight of the forest for the trees. Real happiness comes not from one thing or another, and not from a quick high, but rather from a sense of meaning and fulfillment. It is difficult to find meaning unless we grasp an expanded view of how all the parts and dimensions (e.g., the recipe) of our life can fit together. These parts include spirituality, career, health and wellness, and relationships. Don’t miss the point, be mindful of the potential for beauty of the wholeness of life.

Positive Affirmations for Reducing Stress

It is our negative thinking/negative thought patterns that cause a huge amount of stress and drain one's vital life force (energy) -- Negative thoughts creative negative emotions and feelings. One of the best ways to get rid of such negative, draining thoughts and consequent feelings is by replacing them with positive ones. Here is a really good list of 20 positive thoughts (also called affirmations) to replace negative thought patterns. Quite often negative thought patterns are rooted in low feelings about oneself, negative self-worth, hopelessness, lack of focus or direction.

We may not even be aware of how much we are doing this self sabotage to ourselves. For those who are spiritually inclined, combining affirmations with scriptural and inspirational references may be even more potent. Another one of my favorite positive affirmations is, "Every day in every way, I get better and better." This was given by the famous French psychologist Emile Coue sometimes considered the father of auto suggestion. He was highly successful healing all kinds of physical and emotional maladies through only the use of the mind.

I am beautiful (or handsome) inside and out
I am worth it
I am worthy of _____
I am proud of my accomplishments
I am intelligent, caring, and dependable
I am loved
I am successful
I am talented
I am my best self
I am strong
I am the master of my own destiny
I am capable of overcoming my fears
I am thankful for _____
I have the right to speak my mind
I love who I am
I love my _____
I can achieve any goal I set my mind to
I accept myself for who I am
I choose to live my life to the fullest
I deserve to be happy

Source - Be Positive: Twenty Positive Mantras for Positivity http://www.themindfulword.org/2015/positive-personal-mantras-for-positivity/

Healthy Anger and 3rd Wave Cognitive Therapies

I have been working with anger (myself or others) for many years now and I find this to be very gratifying and quite fascinating work. One of the truly interesting things and great misconceptions is that so many people think anger is "wrong." What's great is that when I explain to a new client that anger is not really "wrong" per se they usually look at me with a joyful sense of relief, sort of like finding out, "Oh you mean there's nothing wrong with me?" or "Really? I don't need to be sent to the land of unwanted toys because I have anger?" (e.g., guilt, shame) The limiting belief and notion that anger is wrong could be nothing further from the truth. Anger is a healthy emotion and perhaps one of the most useful emotions that humans have. Yes it is true that when anger is not controlled well, it can be deadly, to both oneself and others. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that it is OK to go around spewing anger all over everyone in close proximity or who is irritating. But the real growth occurs when learning that there is a very fine line between healthy expression of anger, and unhealthy expression or what is often called "toxic" anger.

Compassionate Heart

Current research in science shows how powerful kindness and compassion are. Obviously the actions of kindness are beneficial, that’s always been known – we have always been able to see clearly how acts of generosity benefit the lives of those we help. For example, if you help a senior citizen neighbor carry the groceries, you can readily observe how it eases the burden on her back and disposition. Or, if a traveler is lost, providing directions to help find the way to a loved one’s home, for example, a smile spreads across her face and you can see how she is immediately relieved of her anxiety. But what science also now shows is that even simply thinking about or envisioning kindness is extremely powerful to well-being, which can also bring benefits to those around us, because we know intuitively that our moods, feeling, and mind states are contagious and can shift the consciousness of any group of people we are with. So, when you are less stressed and feel happy, you tend to convey fewer tense or stressed feelings to those around you.

A growing body of scientific evidence shows that simply meditating on thoughts of kindness and compassion is beneficial to both physical and mental health. Research performed at University of Wisconsin by a team led by Richard Davidson, and research led by Barbara Frederickson at University of North Carolina, as well as research at Duke University show that cultivating thoughts of kindness can help to reduce anxiety, negative emotions and moods, minimize physical pain, lessen anger and psychological stress, and at the same time increases feelings of hopefulness and optimism.

This author is not saying that actions of kindness aren’t extremely important, because of course they are. But the point is that action with spirit and thoughtfulness can even go to a deeper and more profound level, penetrating to the level of the human spirit. When we offer an act of kindness it is truly the spirit with which we perform it that makes it profound. If you give a very generous tip to a waiter at dinner yet snarl, moan, and berate them the whole time they have served you, surely they appreciate the extra pocket change but are probably thinking to themselves (in a cynical, sarcastic manner), “Hey, I can do without the tip, I think I’ll survive this week without your generous help.” But if you do it with a smile and warm heart, they’ll very likely accept it with gratitude and excitement.

So, the message here is not, “Don’t give.” By all means do give --Yes, give! But when you give, give with all your heart, soul, and mind. Also, even when you aren’t giving, you can actually do stuff to help make your heart more pure, so that giving has more meaning. When you’re not able to give in a physical way, you can think about giving, you can meditate on kindness, and contemplate compassion --your heart will change for the better, and others will surely feel it. Doing this, you are cultivating positive emotions and well-being in your own life, which also spreads to those all around you.

New Perspectives On Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a hot topic; and, my personal experience is that many are intrigued -- those who do not know much about it are attracted, and need to know more. They are captivated by the fascinating subject that has made a trans-continental journey to the Western world from the Far East. Yet, I have also found there is quite a bit of confusion about what mindfulness is. And, there seems to be a lack of agreement about its meaning, with unclear, and perhaps even many erroneous views (at least in this author's humble viewpoint).

Sufficient reasons exist for both the interest and confusion; and, the spawning of a healthy debate on mindfulness is ultimately a positive thing. Mindfulness is a monumentally vast subject, it concerns the mind and consciousness, which are not study topics for the timid or faint of heart. Mindfulness practice (including meditation) is thousands of years old, with a massive amount of history, study, and practice accruing during that time. The English word mindfulness tends to be associated with the Buddhist Vipassana meditation which, again, is thousands of years old and quite extensive and detailed in scope. One brief article such as this one cannot do justice to the magnitude of Buddhist meditative practices and Buddhist spirituality.

The fact remains, nevertheless, that the term mindfulness is also used in a universal way in English. Although Easterners such as Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists, and Sufis have made meditation a fundamental part of their lifestyle, people have practiced mindfulness in cultures across the globe throughout history; it is not solely Eastern or Buddhist. There is no monopoly on mindfulness or on being mindful! One does one need to be part of any particular faith, group, or social club to increase mindfulness. Being mindful is an action, a way of being, a state of consciousness, which is fundamentally part of the human condition. Improving attention and happiness, becoming more self-aware and balanced, actualizing greater virtue, attuning to one's inner states, and developing greater awareness of one's own mind, e.g., greater "mindsight," a term coined by neurobiologist Dr. Dan Siegel, are qualities and characteristics that are available to anyone who desires to put mind and spirit to use through applied effort.

A good definition of mindfulness has been provided by premier teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who is highly influential in bringing mindfulness to popularity in the West. Kabat Zinn says that "mindfulness is moment-to-moment awareness. It is cultivated by purposefully paying attention to things we ordinarily never give a moment's notice to. It is a systematic approach to developing new kinds of control and wisdom in our lives, based on our inner capacities for relaxation, paying attention, awareness, and insight." This has become a commonly accepted definition in the West.

Mindfulness practice typically concerns learning to become attentive to external experience, and becoming aware of one's internal experience through the practice of meditation, and other meditative and contemplative arts such as breathing, sitting, lying, walking, chanting, and so on. It is frequently described by practitioners as becoming the "observer" or witness to one's experiences including thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and sensations, in a non-judgmental way. There is an art to dealing with life's difficulties, similar to navigating a sailboat. In a sense, it is about wisdom and balance -- learning to control the things one is able to control, and conversely letting go of those one cannot. The foundation though is mindfulness, for without awareness and quieting of the mind, one cannot distinguish between what is controllable in life, and what is not.

One fundamental paradox, however, is that the practices serve to bring one to a deeper and richer experience of moment by moment reality, e.g., truth "as it is." Therefore, in a sense, the practices are like training wheels - although the path of practicing mindfulness may never end, eventually one must be able to let go of techniques and learn to dive into the experience of being alive, vital, open and receptive in each moment, which is perhaps the true aim of all mindfulness practice.

It's very possible that the explosion in mindfulness in the West is due, in part, because we are actually coming to an expanded viewpoint of mindfulness. The Buddhists may have had an extensive system of practice historically, but with mindfulness's migration to the West has come some interesting twists in perspective. One main influence is the work of Kabat-Zinn. One of Kabat-Zinn's aims is to distill the powerful benefits of mindfulness practices by removing the associated religious connotations.

I do not believe that Kabat-Zinn is against the practice of Buddhism or Eastern religion, yet his desire is to make available the advantages of mindfulness and meditation - physically, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually as well - to those who are not necessarily Buddhist and may not be open to meditation because of its Buddhist or Eastern roots. Kabat-Zinn recognized that the Buddhist and Yogic texts often referred to meditation as a science, and so he likely considered, why not also treat it as a science, a form of wellness or healthcare treatment in the West? Of course some purists may have trouble with such an approach, but the ultimate results have been difficult to argue with. Kabat-Zinn developed the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center which has proven excellent to help people manage many types of previously resistant physical, mental, and stress-related conditions. His program is currently used in over 250 hospitals across the country, and countless other wellness and treatment centers.

Many other conventional and holistic health practitioners, researchers and writers are following Kabat-Zinn's lead, taking the ball and running with it, so to speak. They are integrating and creating new approaches to mindfulness. For example, Dr. Ellen Langer at Harvard University has performed research on mindfulness and creativity. Others have also integrated mindfulness in unique ways: mindfulness and psychotherapy, mindfulness and healing, mindful career exploration, mindful parenting, mindful education, mindful communication and relationships, mindful business practices -- we truly are, as the authors of the magazine Shambala Sun have put forth, experiencing a "mindfulness revolution."

Mindfulness: The First Step Is Deep

In developing a mindfulness practice, I am convinced that the 1st step is the most significant. The 1st step in mindfulness (after making the choice to practice, of course) is internalization or self-awareness. We take a giant leap by learning to tune into the messages the body provides, moment by moment. Frankly, it is a meditative art in itself. It is about learning to manage one's own energy, and manage what mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn calls, "the full catastrophe" of modern living.

For example, if you are sitting at your desk juggling emails and simultaneously finishing a weekly report; your work tempo is hectic but you are feeling pretty good about staying on pace. Well, suddenly the phone rings, it is a well-meaning friend who wants to gab away precipitously without considering your time. You fail to set a good boundary, and suddenly you have gone from being, "in a groove" to being swamped trying to do 3 or 4 things at once! It is the final straw - subtly, ever so slightly, the jaw begins tightening, and a faint,throbbing, pulsing feeling awakens in the temple area. The problem though, at this beginning stage of the mind-body stress response, is that many people would not awaken and take notice.

This is where a significant difference exists between one who practices mindfulness and one who does not. At this moment, the body's wisdom shouts: "Red flag! Red flag! Heed; stop; and, take action." If one intervenes, and activates the parasympathetic nervous system e.g., the relaxation response, she has the opportunity to avert a forest fire (such as for example a potentially severe migraine). Of course additional biopsychosocial factors come into play concerning migraines, such as allergies, genetics, environment, among others; all things being equal, however, learning to relax will help minimize fallout from the stress response.

In this brief article, I have outlined merely one possible example but our body is providing signals constantly during the day, directed by the subconscious mind. The more we practice mindfulness, the more it becomes natural to "tune in" to the subtle wisdom the body provides, to be proactive with our health and wellness, and to avert more serious problems.