Self Compassion and the Distracted Mind

In our way of life today in the information age, with its frenetic pace and correlated explosion of media and marketing, there are so many ways in which we are pressured to "keep up with the Joneses," at times it feels like it would be great if we could let it all go and simply not worry about any of it. In fact, there actually is something called F-It therapy -- simply saying F-it and letting go when stress gets overwhelming. I agree with F-It's basic premise, learning to say F-it can be quite liberating, though can be highly challenging at times and can take practice as well. Another thing we might do in order to make the ride and journey a little more joy-filled and less stressed is learn to be more compassionate and allowing toward ourselves and others; it really does start with kindness and compassion towards oneself.

In order to be effective we've got to be able to focus and think clearly about what we are doing, but if our minds are filled with chatter especially harsh, self-loathing thoughts, that task becomes very difficult. So, how do we shut off the endless chatter of our distractable, "monkey mind"? Renowned meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says we need to "quiet the mind in any way we can," and I have found what Kornfield says is true. Sometimes saying F-it may not be enough, so we try other ways. Meditation, yoga, breathing, are all great remedies and it is a great idea to develop a daily practice incorporating these types of things. Further, we are all unique, and there may be other activities that help quite the mind as well. They could be dancing, drawing or another form of art, writing, walking or other exercise -- really could be anything but try and focus on calming ones, or what Chinese healing refers to as "yin" activities. Any activity that offers you the opportunity to experience a sense of what Claremont Graduate University professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls "flow" --which is being so engaged in an activity you are enjoying that you lose track of yourself, time, and your surroundings, and one also in in which your skill level is a good match for the difficulty -- will help you learn to better manage your mind, thoughts, and moods.

So, finding activities that give the opportunity to experience flow is important but calming the monkey mind can also take some concerted effort as well. One great technique offered by psychologist Elisha Goldstein is called S.T.O.P. a simple acronym which stands for Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed. Pretty simple, but quite effective. When we notice our mind spinning out of control, away from the task at hand, use these steps to help bring you back to your center. Yet, the key is mindfulness, learning to notice when that is happening. Additionally, research shows that labeling what we are feeling and experiencing is beneficial to gaining more control of our emotions. I use the S.T.O.P. technique very frequently and it works great and can be used with a number of variations as well. One great variation is a to insert a positive affirmation immediately after taking a breath, e.g., a positive statement of self-talk such as, "I am calm and relaxed." Thank you for reading, and I will have more solutions for quieting the monkey mind in upcoming posts…..